This vast light which I had lost touch with for a while, returns, I didn’t think it would, as I sunk so deep into the darkness that I thought I had lost myself. A stranger greeted me every morning in the mirror, it’s reflection was alien to me. You see the devil he came calling, he said,
‘ah ha, so your leaving the karmic wheel are you, you’ve found your true source inside you now, you no longer need me? That’s up to you’ he said with no resistance, ‘but to leave the wheel you must complete your spin on it’
And so I did.
I slept with the devil. I indulged myself in all the earthly pleasures, I went back to sleep. Deep deep he put me under his spell. My heart & mind in tormoil. This relationship intoxicated me in every way, I wanted to run so fast and shake him off but he fascinated me and I was enthralled. So I stayed even though it didn’t feel like a choice. I stayed and I watched him, I danced with his spirit, laughed with him & held him tightly in my arms. I sank deeper, as he took all the power I thought I had and gave me pleasure as I had never known within this body before. He pointed out all my faults and pushed at the things I had yet to do.
In the beginning there was no resistance, I made changes and I fitted to his ideal of what he sought. Because even though the devil stood before me, my heart wanted to embrace his, to touch all them parts of him that were so wounded that this was his only reality.
I ran into some old demons of my own through him, and I quit denying them. Quit trying to make it all perfect. I bore witness to them, to myself. And he taught me this, be all of you, do whatever you want. Set yourself free.
Forgetting the perfection of the entire meeting.
Then I remembered something. There are no others.
Strength l returned as I recognised the essence of what I was seeing.
Eventually the devil couldn’t stand it any longer, he was running out of stamina and his tricks were all too transparent now. His lies and seduction were known to me the moment he thought them. He was becoming tired and his face grew very old. I had gently removed all of his masks. He was used to quick meetings and returning to his cave, he didn’t expect to touch love. He had forgotten that’s what he was. He didn’t expect to meet The Mother. His Goddess. The one which he faintly remembered after all this time apart.
I knew by the look in his eyes that this would transform his whole existence, and mine.
The moment came when I got the call to leave, a gentle whisper rising up. The journey was completed. Karma was paid back.
As I went to leave the devil said ‘I love you, I have never met a mirror of myself until I met you, this is going to bring me to my knees’.
‘yes my love’ I whispered as I bent to kiss his head, ‘ when we meet the devil inside us and real-eyes, we meet true love, and now you will know this too when you can’t fall any further’
Now, now, I see the beauty in all the moments I thought I was losing myself. I was only stripping bare what was not real, all contained in my mind, the thoughts of who I was, just ideas, holding myself together, when the devil truly showed me how to let go, how to truly be present, how to be naked & seen with no sense of shame. Everything was welcomed here.
And now I see his wings shining brightly in my dreams as he smiles at me, the brightest angel I ever saw. Now we know that there is only love, only love, in its many expressions, and the projections all fell away like a ton of domino’s, one after the other, after the other, after the other.
Until you fall so deeply in love with the darkness you see, you will continue running from each reflection which it glimpses out from, you will deny every addiction every action and every part of yourself, you will point at others, friends, lovers, politics, world affairs & wars, regurgitating history and stories to keep you right. Because you are running. To stop running, to stand still and enter the fire, willingly, you will give yourself the greatest gift, to know yourself fully as your heart does, rather than your minds idea of what that is.
As the fire consumes what is false, the Phoenix will rise from the ashes and you will rejoice that you met the devil, because he led you to yourself, where he dwelt all along.