Last summer i went for a walk with an old flame of mine to Hyde Park in Central London. It was late in the evening and the air still had the warmth of a summers evening. I was living in Kensington at the time and the Royal Parks (Kensington Palace Gardens/Hyde Park) had become a permanent fixture in my day to day life.
The moon was full on this particular night and it shone so beautifully over the Serpentine Lake.
We walked and talked, exchanging stories and laughter about our moments together and the healing it had brought into both our lives. It felt truly magical that evening to share such a peacefu feeling with each other, having come through a challenging break up many months previous. I felt a real sense of love and acceptance for who we were, and that old familiar pang of missing him had waned.
It was approaching midnight when we finished talking, so we got up and walked towards the nearest exit by Princess Diana’s Memorial, a water feature in the park dedicated to our late Princess. The gates to the water feature were closed but there is still a very tangible energy to be felt as you pass it by.
I went to walk on straight towards the car but my friend suggested we walk another way, further into the park. I agreed, why not i thought, its a nice evening. We very soon came to an old Oak tree. It was/is ,magnificent. I sat down by the tree and my friend began practicing some tai chi. It was soothing watching him, witnessing the energy move around him. I began singing to the tree as I leaned my back against its trunk. I always feel a nice resonance doing this, the frequency of sound is very healing. We stayed singing and chatting for another hour or so and then he drove me home.
I can’t really describe the love I felt towards myself that evening, it was as if some fragmented, missing part of me had just been returned. I cried tears of joy, thanking spirit for my life and for the healing I felt had occurred between us this night. I know that may sound a bit soppy but I have come to realise how hard I have been on myself over the years, knowing I was on some mission to purify and becoming a bit too serious in the process! It had not been an easy journey between us over the span of the 4/5years we weaved in and out of each other’s lives. So it was very welcomed this emerging sense of peace. For many years of our relationship, it took me through a lot of spontaneous past life memorys/experiences that were neither pretty or comfortable, and I felt very much alone through these 5 years of consistent breakdowns of any sort of a reality. This night I was feeling a strong source of wholeness which made me feel grateful for all the pain, grief, betrayal and loss I had worked through during our time together and since we parted.
Then a strange thing happened , a very large man/creature with stag antlers on his head , appeared in my room. He appeared as clearly as if he were standing in the room physically, yet i knew he was in spirit. He looked battered and worn, lifeless even.
Who are you? i asked him . ‘I am Herne the Hunted’ he replied. The name rung a bell but i knew nothing of this man or his story. ‘What can i help you with?’ i asked him. ‘I need help to mend my broken heart, it has been broken from lifetimes of battle and betrayal, pain and loss’. His eyes were so sad, and even though i saw a very large, manly form in front of me, i was seeing a young hurt boy.
I am lover, I am father,
I am Horned God and King,
I’m the life in all of nature,
That is reborn every Spring.
Call of stag and cry of eagle,
I am Child of Barleycorn,
And I am the antlered crown,
And standing stone.
-Damh the Bard “Antlered Crown and Standing Stone”
He moved closer to me and i reached my hands out to him. I put my hands inside this mans body and cupped his heart. There was no heartbeat. I closed my eyes and saw my heart create a link to his, and i felt the energy of god move through my hands to flow into his heart. After some time i felt a beat, faint at first but increasing in strength. Then the heart i was holding transformed into a flame. The flame grew bigger and expanded throughout his body. There was warmth returning to his bones. I took my hands out of his body and he took them in his hands and kissed them. Thank you he said, you have our protection always. We will see you in the forest. And then he left the room.
Straight after this experience a very large dragon looking creature came to me, fire flaming out of its nose. It wasn’t a dragon as we know a dragon to look like (ha I say that so nonchalantly like we all see dragons every day!) but its the closest i can use to describe it. It was fierce as it made its way towards me. I felt curious, tilting my head to one side to watch it. ‘Are you not afraid?’ it hissed at me, almost angrily ‘Do you not think i am disgusting?’ it prodded, moving closer to my face. I reached my hands out to cup its face ‘No i am not afraid’, i answered. ‘Why would you think you were disgusting? i do not see that.’ Its whole presence changed in that moment, a sadness became it and it softened and allowed me to touch its giant face. I will never forget the look in this creatures eyes. It lay its head on my lap and then the apparition faded.
I don’t know fully why i had these experiences, after mentioning this to a friend and doing a little research it seems there is a significance between the ole Oak Tree and the legend of Herne the Hunter, who supposedly hung himself by an ole Oak Tree. http://www.berkshirehistory.com/legends/herne01.html
I was intrigued and so I went back to the Oak tree i had sat beside in Hyde Park that night. Somehow it seemed synchronistic
Armed with some flowers, a candle, a rather generous chocolate brownie (for us both to share) some tobacco offerings, a cappuccino (the friendship is new, I’m not sure of its coffee preference yet) and my beloved pen and notebook, I approached the tree and said my hellos. ‘Ahhhhh,’ such a relieving deep breath to be in this resonance. We hugged for a few moments, as you do when you meet any of your friends 🙂 and I sat myself with my back resting against its trunk.
‘What do you know Oak?’, I asked. Firstly Herne appeared again, he said’ you are always at home here’ and then he left. I smiled, i love being in forests. I truly think my origins are as a Fairy. An unusual but familiar language becomes me when I spend time in the forests and woodlands.
The Ole Oak began speaking,
‘Sweet child, your tribe is always with you, inside you, surrounding you. You may not always see them physically, but you’ve always been more at ease with the unseen that is very seen to you. We are here. You do not doubt us, even at the risk of sounding silly, or seeming crazy. The tree’s, natures garden, we are the oldest tribe here on Earth. There is no such concept as a lineage because a number of years cannot quantify our existence. We are the Earth. Do not feel that because it’s not a physical human tribe, that you are doing something wrong. You do not need to change yourself to fit in with others ideas. You are a unique expression, allow that. Thats your only purpose. Look at how many different species of tree’s we are, we all look different, yet we blend in the same space together harmoniously. Neither trying to become one and other. We also have space between us too. The beech isn’t trying to be the oak, if you catch our driftwood ;)’
The Old Oak continued,
‘Until you all bow to the God within you, you will continue to bow and honour the god outside of you, which is still you of course, in different bodies, forms and elements. Like us for example. But if you do not recognise this in yourself too, you will honour others greater, not seeing the same within you. Even though theres a tree and a you and a them, theres only one of us talking here, at all times. One is always talking with itself through itself.
There is much pain in this earthly existence, and we know you do not always understand this, often seeing beyond it, the birds eye view. We are all connected in nature. We feed this experience of your beliefs back to you, to recognise yourselves. Humans often think it is us, nature, which is crying, suffering, being abused, unhonoured. This is not true. We are a mighty mirror, reflecting humanity unto itself.
When you come to us, you are coming to this openness, the oneness in yourself, that part that is never disconnected, could never be disconnected. Source essence. There have been many wars and wounds created with the human mind, then projected out into the larger mirror of manifestation of an earthly reality. This has caused damage to yourselves because of how you feel about yourself. Many have cut off from the whole to experience the little parts, forgetting that you are still the whole. There is a link to the honouring offered to nature, to the lands and to the honouring you are needing to offer yourselves with. Of course unbeknown to you, you think it is separate. Separate lands divided by countries and nationalities, separate spirits with many different names. The whole divided into parts, forgetting it is still a WHOLE. And you are not realising you are still competing between your tribes and traditions.
None of it, you or us, is separate, it just appears that way until you dive deeper into the black void of your heart. The Source of Source. Underneath the stories and the blame. Detaching from another pattern, its origin not consciously known, but unconsciously playing out.
You and your ancestors are all the same, in different guises, forms and year events. Is time real? How could that be so you say, how could I have been my great great grandmother in 1982 when I was already born, and we say why not? Are you not all breathing the same breath? Are you not all wearing a human body with a beating heart? Often Ancestors are viewed as something outside of you, more powerful and wise than you. They live within you, as you.
You see, as among the tree’s, there is no such idea of a leader and a follower which is separate. Nor a healer and the one being healed. You are your own leaders and followers. You can only heal yourself. Each other that you think you heal, is another part of you that you are witnessing as separate outside. Its all you. Consciousness is always witnessing itself.
The elders pass through death and return as the newborns, the teenagers become the adults and the adults become the new elders. Can you see? Everyone and everything is constant, changing form from what you see it to be. The changeless nature emerges when you see beyond the outer casing. There is no heirachy here among us. We do not say the might oak is better or more wise than the mighty beech. We do not compete with each other, nor make ourselves small either. We are in tune with all of existence. Even the sacred sites in this world are human named. Remember everything and everyone is a sacred sight, starting with yourself’.
‘Wow, thanks for that Oak, makes a whole lot of sense’ I said as I finished scribbling this down in my notebook. We brought our conversation to a close as two Saarloo wolfdogs approached me under the tree and started licking my face as their owner ran over to stop them. I laughed aloud, it reminded me of my childhood and the close relationship with dogs we had.
I said my goodbyes and walked home, chuckling to myself at the magic of the day’s events.
I wanted to share this post last year when it occurred yet there was reservation in me of being ridiculed, I am very visual and often when I have shared things with others I have been shut down, but there’s a stronger embodiment happening inside me right now and now I know I must share the experiences I had these last 5 years during our Crystallisation journey.
Thank you to Joanna Fay from Heart Star blog for your article that prompted me to share my own experience, it feels like we are weaving our Divine Masculine into embodiment through our own wholeness. Here is the link to her article – http://heartstar.org/2015/03/14/the-green-man-the-white-stag-and-the-rebirth-of-gaias-divine-masculine/
There is an interesting synchronicity with the White stag. 3weeks before I made pilgrimage to the Sierra Madre mountains in Mexico and the Wirrikuta Desert with the Huicholes, the White Stag came into my dreams. It was accompanied by Mother Mary. These two companions showed me people I would meet on my journey there and who I could trust. Ironically this did happen when we got there. There was many moments where people around me were in conflict with co-travellers on pilgrimage and in monetary terms between the tribes and the westerners, an age old imprint playing itself out again. Yet I was in deep peace throughout my journey there and it helped me profoundly on my own healing journey with the masculine side of my family and within me too. It all seems so very deeply connected. We are birthing the Divine Masculine inside ourselves first and foremost, for it to then be birthed in our reality .
So it is with these experiences I have learnt to trust and continue to trust my own innate intuition. What a ride!! Makes me realise we’re always right at home.
Until next time,
Much love ❤