How are you all feeling after another influx of intense energies being weaved into your bodies?
I knew we were in for a strong month of clearing and rebalancing our inner and outer environment, but i had no idea it was going to be so deeeeep! I went on journeys into stages of the past that were murky, confusing and painful. It was only when i resurfaced from this depth that i thought firstly ‘thank god!’ and secondly ‘how can i understand this more so that i am prepared for this cycle of death/rebirth next time’..
The concept of surrendering has been very potent these past few months. Surrendering to something is to give up the fight to remain the same. To let go of whatever we are holding onto, which is usually a belief or an idea that has defined us. It is not a weakness nor is it a strength. It is as it is. I don’t know what the outcome will be when i surrender, i don’t know what i will look like afterwards, i don’t know what my life will be like afterwards! I am trusting, trusting that I can no longer live the same way and so I am offering myself up ‘here creator, here i am, i surrender to your will, to this cleansing, to this re-alignment and to the wisdom that informs my life’ and sometimes against my will, i let go. I surrender. Then it all changes.
The static feeling of stagnation and stuck-ness, eases. Emotions arise, i cry, i crave chocolate, i want more coffee, i need a roll up… Yet this month was different. Although all them cravings arose, i was painfully aware that actually i was trying to cover a void, one which had been covered before with these tools (coffee,tobacco,sugar). Yet this time i KNEW that no matter how much of any of the above i consumed, or smoked, this feeling was going to remain until i looked at it. Damn it and thank god!
Lately I’ve been feeling that i would quite like a partnership. To be in a relationship with another. To be held, to hold, loved, love, to share and enjoy this experience.. so this recent journey brought me into some painful past memories to release from my body. Grief arose which i thought i had dealt with, a past lover who i thought i was still very much in love with. I asked myself ‘ how is it possible that i can invite a new relationship, to resonate with the person I AM now, if i still carry within my cells the memory and stagnant emotions from those which have past?’ I have to release them memories first! This can be the painful part depending on how attached we are to these memories. The reason being is that as we choose to release them, we re-live them, and any emotion connected to them. This can feel like heartbreak all over again, guilt, shame etc etc. When you understand that this is a temporary state as the memories return to pure energy, you can observe instead of engaging with them and suppressing them back into a memory.
I resisted seeing these memories, firstly because i ‘thought’ i was still very much in love with my previous long term partner, only to realise as i came face to face with him in my inner journey that the love i felt for him, was a reflection of the love i held for myself. When we say we are still in love with someone, we are in love with who we were, maybe still are, in the reflection they afforded us. That is why it is often difficult to ‘let go’ of relationships and intimate bonds – you are literally saying goodbye to a part of you. The part of you that carried the pain, hurt, the part that was right while another was wrong. All of this we have to work through in order to realise our truth. I was not the same person as i was then. That relationship served its purpose and showed me what i needed to see in myself at that time. Now i needed to let the ‘idea’ of it go. I realised that each time i thought of him, it was the memory attempting to release, but the ‘idea’ i held about our relationship was too strong and so i held on. It was still defining me. When we are in love with anything/anyone, it is the reflection of ourself we are loving. Likewise when we are in disharmony with anyone, it is the disharmony within ourself that is being reflected. You are the beloved you are seeking.
Theres something very powerful about a realisation like that, its like turning around to face a fear thats been taunting you, head on, and suddenly it evaporates, into the illusion it always was. Freeing you up to sigh deeply with relief and the strength to face some more.
The grief side of things was probably the most potent of the emotions. My grandfather died when i was 9 years old. It broke my heart in two, literally. I searched for him ever since. In relationships, in friends, in my mother, father.. everywhere i searched for him, nowhere was he to be found. The only place i didn’t look for him, which he was guiding me towards, was within me. He was the pure love i had been shown as a child. The pure love that i was, being reflected to me. I remember him so well. True unconditional love. When you’ve tasted that in the early forming years of your life, you know that nothing else compares.
Ironically, i was gifted with this loving man in my life, to then experience being without this love, which in turn ignited my relentless search knowing it existed. I searched outwards first because i knew no different. Then i turned inwards and started a relationship with myself. Are we not lucky, Creating Genius’s to plan our life experience’s in this way?!!
When i experience them moments where the total perfection of my life is tangible, i understand the perfect plan of why my grandfather left my life at such a young age. I understand why we had such a bond and how it propelled me to constantly search for deeper truth, in myself and in all i saw. He has been communicating with me, alongside my other grandfather, since he passed. This has been an adventurous journey of trust spanning over 20 plus years. Learning to trust what i am being told, even when it feels like the whole conversation is existing only in my head! Over & over again, existence beyond this earthly experience has been shown to me and communicated, and over and over again i would listen and think yeah ok il do something about it tomorrow! Talk about procrastination. They taught me to see through the veil of Death, by constantly facing my own, over and over again( reluctantly most of the time!) Breaking down all the beliefs i held about myself and the life i was living. I AM forever grateful for this gift, even though i sometimes forget. After all i am still in a human body. Its like a computer game, you work through it level by level, if you don’t complete the level you can’t move on to the next. Same with our life experience, we work through the levels of our consciousness. Sometimes we stay where we know or give up because we can’t move forward. Yet when we do work through our ‘fears’, like fighting the baddies in the computer game, we complete the level and usually receive a gold star (moment of understanding and enlightenment) before beginning the next level (new cycle).
The last 2 days i have finally felt the ‘lightness’ return to my being. Everything looks the same, yet it has changed so much. I am not entirely the same as i was last week. Yet I’m beginning to notice something, each moment i surrender is the very moment where everything changes. An internal sweep out which leads to an external sweeping. Within this i become wiser, the experience of life becomes clearer. I reach or access a higher state of consciousness which allows me to see and feel clarity. It also shines a light into any areas that still need work and intensifies them. I am somehow becoming more accepting and grateful for this also. Here is what i am being shown:
We are searching for somewhere, a place we already are. We are already at ‘home’ we are already in ‘spirit’ where we seek to go. We have never left. We are just perceiving a reality created from our thoughts. We are still in the same place we always were. When we miss those that have passed, we are believing in a ‘here’ and ‘there’ when infact there is no such thing. ‘They’ have never actually left us because ‘they’ are a part of us. We are our Ancestors. They have just left their physical vehicles and journeyed to a different frequency. Which we can access to communicate with them (that part of self – remember we are all parts of the whole) This can only be done if we open up its possibility. If we open our eyes to the true reality we will come to understand that life as we are currently experiencing it, is an actual fragment of our imagination. We are projecting holographic pictures constantly and then believing them to be real.
All of our imagined past-present-future is occurring simultaneously right now. We have the ability to jump in and out of these timelines whenever we choose. All that we experience is an accumulation of our thoughts and beliefs, projecting holographically, our idea of the universe/world. It is our consciousness that is experiencing itself on many different levels of vibration/frequency. Our Master self is simply observing whatever is chosen, Our Master self, is Source. It is not a being outside us, not even a consciousness outside us. It is us. The more we raise our levels of awareness, through understanding the true nature of the illusionary experience, the more we can tap into our master self and create from that point. That point is of course the VOID. The zero point of god consciousness. It is the place where all potential exists. Below is an invocation to help you to directly experience what i am talking about.
Master self that I AM, I call forth to me the experience of wholeness. I choose to know the perfectly healthy, healed, radiant, Source Conscious aspect of who I AM. I Accept & Receive my Divine Self, truly balanced in my Feminine & Masculine frequencies. I ask this for the highest good of all life within me and of that which i am creating. Thank You, It is so.
(Repeat this invocation every morning & evening for 10 days and you will notice changes and shifts to bring this into being)
The gift in surrendering is that you allow The Master Self to lead you beyond your current conscious understanding. It opens up another level of being, one where you are more actively aware and awake, to the fact that YOU are creating it.
Blessings Beautiful Star Family